Hungry ghosts and gratitude

No amount of possessions or gratification could ever fill the gap between us and the world. So we’re looking for something, thirsty for something, always dissatisfied. In Buddhism they call this trishna, thirst. Like hungry ghosts we are thirsting endlessly for something we can never get.

[To] be grateful for and with what is, doesn’t deny difficulties; rather it embraces them and accepts them as a necessary step in the healing of them.

EverydayZen Teachings, Gratitude
Zoketsu Norman Fischer

I have no complaints about life at the moment. It’s basically very good.

However buttons were pressed earlier in the week in one particular area of my relationships, and the fall-out in terms of stress and emotional upset still lingers. I had expectations and hopes that weren’t met and I was, well, crushed. And I felt diminished. It is not a situation I can hope to avoid in the future either – I need to have regular contacts with those involved.

I was aware I was overreacting – the feelings around what happened have reverberations from, and have been amplified by, painful occurrences in the past. And no, I don’t want to go into any more detail except to say that this isn’t about my love life.

The strength and discomfort of my internal reaction – and fortunately those around me weren’t aware of it - has given me pause. The term hungry ghost is a pretty accurate description of what I felt like. The temptation is to close down, and I’ve done some of that this week. The other option, and part of the reason for blogging about it, is to try and see it as a way of moving forward.

Am I able to be grateful for what has happened, as the second of the above extracts suggests?

Well, I certainly don’t feel grateful. But I know as surely as I know anything, that in order not to stay trapped in this endlessly repeating circle of reactivity and to be able to handle the ongoing situation with a modicum of grace and serenity, I need to stay present with the feelings engendered. I need to flow with them and not resist, not shut down and not try and escape - I’m particularly adept at the latter. The opportunity to do so is therefore a gift …of sorts … and one that needs to be recognised and acknowledged.

It’s about setting an intention. An intention and a willingness and a desire to work with what is for as long as necessary, through whatever means. There has been enough unwillingness. It’s time.

***.

While I was drafting this I came across the article I have linked to above by Zoketsu Norman Fischer, a Zen Buddhist teacher. I have found it very helpful over these past few days. The last two sentences speak of movement and of the universal as well as personal benefit to the work.

Through our practice of gratitude we can imitate our teachers and move forward with our lives, come what may, whether it is suffering or joy, arriving or leaving, in the spirit of gratitude. And we do this not only for ourselves alone – which makes no sense at all anyway – but for and with everyone.