There and back again?

Well, I survived leaving the job. My last day was in fact yesterday, not Friday, due to last minute emergencies. During my notice period I was too busy to worry, but my boss did ask me if I would consider returning after my month off if the terms and conditions were altered slightly. The topic was raised either by him or me several times in my last few days. It wasn't a definite offer, but it was enough to set off anxiety and indecision.

And I started to stress. Should I return or not? What if I never work again? What if I really hate every other job I ever get? But what if I return and miss the perfect job that's out there waiting for me? And is he going to make an offer anyway? And what about the temp who's taken my place? And how disappointed am I going to be if he doesn't? And so on. Boring to everyone except me and even, at the end, boring to me. And, given the current state of the planet, self-centred in the extreme.

Thankfully a returning sense of perspective, assisted by meditation, has prevailed and the anxiety is passing. My boss and I have agreed to meet for lunch in 2 weeks time, and I am going to do my best to put the matter to one side until then. I will meditate and pray about it, and also start to put feelers out elsewhere. And trust that the right answer will come.

Jean has a good post today on her blog about anonymity and semi-anonymity in the blogosphere, and the limits that this imposes. Writing occasionally about work, as well as about my chequered past, are two of the main reasons I don't go public. I guess I also value having a space to work things out and explore topics and issues comfortably without feeling constricted in case anyone I know/work with finds my blog.

I'm heading south-east tomorrow for the first of my three mini-holidays, this one to the Kent coast for a couple of days at a B&B with a friend. I return to London for a one-day pit stop, then am off westward here to a wedding on Saturday, and end up a little further west again for a few days with family. I may be able to check in briefly on Friday, otherwise I will be back next week.

The weather forecast is not terribly positive ..... but it won't stop a good time being had by all. (Fingers crossed!).